With the big hand on the 12 and the little hand on the 8 pit of the clock, it was time for the Committee to start to function and perform the Clubs business. We sit in a most Holy surround, that of the Clubs own Critter God's front alter. We charge our brains and sharpen our wits as we all assemble. The main Business of the evening is the idea to celebrate the clubs 40th anniversary, with a special evening.
You may be forgiven, in thinking this is but a simple task for such a simple collection of folk. Yet my dear colleague, this is an idea full of whoe and more whoe. At first we have a splendid team put together by Tim of a few hairs, who after the Annual General Meeting put his project into gear. No worries yet! The team of highly trained half wits were formed, The Lunesdale Planners. These are Tim, Chalky, Siobhan and Tubby Richard. However a thought of secret society being formed was seen by others and Tanya felt a bit Miffed off to say the least. The stage was set for a show down. "You beauty".
Under Tim's let's do it now enthusiasm, we set about in putting ideas on to paper and who was going to do what.
The evening was long and we had covered a lot of ground in Siobhan's living room, while being put under pressure by Murphy the Capernwray Mutt, every ten minutes licking his parts. I did think, at one stage, I wish I could do that. I was going to ask Siobhan for a biscuit for Murphy, and he might let me have a go.
By the next few days we had indeed become in the eyes of some in the club, a secret society.
By the time of the next committee meeting, emotions began to emerge from a few.
The faces of some of the people involved in the debate became very amusing. I did not Know Tim could go red and gurn at the same time, while Tanya become so red, I thought she was going to explode or pass the most foulest of wind.
Ray, looking more and more like KFC's Colonel Saunders, tries to find a common peaceful compromise for Tanya and Tim to agree on over protocol. This out of the way, you may be forgiven in thinking it's all stops out for the big planned party. NO, NO, NO, for there is a twist in this tail. After all the top planning and the top input by your democratically elected Committee brain troopers. The think tank of Lunesdale, will come up with a well thought out sensible planned party with no detail over looked, no matter how small. Well what about the big details? Some smart arse points out that the 40th year of the official birth of Lunesdale club was in 1961, making this year only 39 years. We look at Tim, who looks at Chris the Merchant from Capernwray, who stops shoving Chips into his mouth. Smiles one of his sales smiles and says with triumph, " That's what Ray told me". Ray looks around at Chris, as he takes the full impact of Chris's finger pointing in his chubby flanks.
Ray puts the committee to work with a question should we go ahead and have the celebrations this year or should we plan for next year?
The room falls into a silence that has never before been known to any man or woman on this crazy planet. No words can describe the look of horror on our faces as Ray pulls a dirty trick on the committee and asks us to make a decision. Dave Critter God looks at his pager from the local Fire Service hoping a crazed Arsonist has set Bolton Le Sands ablaze. Then a soft mumble comes from a few members. Yes it sounds like something is going to happen and someone will make that first important breakthrough. But no such luck, as the murmurs become audible I can make out the sounds of what I think was reason. In fact it was a muffled, "well, am not arsed".
This went on for a few more minutes, until Ray now on a roll shouts, " We will put it to a vote, and do you want big fries with that sir". A VOTE! What has the Colonel been drinking? Has he eaten a Barging Bucket? Dave Laurance, passed out at the idea, while Chris lost all train of thought on sales and cash flow figures, Tim grew another hair, but it fell out as soon as it saw where it had to live. John Pearce, was so shocked, for the first time in his life he wondered who does dress him? John Woods ran off to pass water in Daves Wardrobe, Lewis Bambury jumped up and admitted to cross-dressing, Chris Bambury the younger asked if it was normal to indulge in self abuse and Ebaneeza Thornton dropped his abacus.
But a show of hands was enough to pass the motion to hold the 40th in the 40th year.
This was made easy by the notion, we did not have to hold up a right or left arm, it was just hold any limb in the air. Once Dave was told what a limb was the vote was cast. So as you can see, life in the committee is a hard task, keeping you entertained and diving safely. So to all those who doubt our commitment, we are keeping on top of any thing we are on top of!!!!
Chalky White your inside Man.